McWifey's Life

Especially lately...

2012-02-04T23:48:00.001-08:00

Happy Graduation Day to meeeeee!

2011-11-02T23:28:00.001-07:00

2 Weeks Until I Graduate!

2011-10-15T00:32:00.000-07:00

September!

2011-09-01T23:18:00.000-07:00

Fun at the fair!

2011-08-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

So true!

2011-08-21T18:23:00.000-07:00

Seriously!

2011-08-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

Just a little reminder to myself.

2011-08-09T15:03:00.001-07:00

This about sums things up.

2011-07-23T18:23:00.001-07:00

What Summer Means To Me...

2011-07-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

Anatomy shamatomy

2011-07-10T01:10:00.001-07:00

Part one of anatomy done! 98% on my test... woo hoo.

Happy Birthday Hubby!

2011-06-23T22:28:00.001-07:00

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T22:40:00.001-07:00

Rest in peace Bobby

2011-06-04T23:28:00.001-07:00

The end of the world?

2011-05-20T16:44:00.000-07:00

Acts 1:7 He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. Mark 13:32 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."

So yeah, that's what I think about the whole thing.

Motherless Day... I mean Mother's Day

2011-05-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

If flowers grow in heaven Lord, then pick a bunch for me and place them in my mother's arms and tell her they're from me. Tell her that I love and miss her, and when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for awhile.

Makes me tear up...

My first time...

2011-05-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

giving a facial. What did you think I meant?

Tomorrow will be my first attempt at giving a facial to a fellow classmate. I'm looking forward to it and I'm a bit nervous. I know this probably doesn't seem like a big deal. I'm not performing open heart surgery for God sakes but still... it's new to me. It's important that I do well and remember all the hand movements correctly and use the products in the right order etc. I'm hard on myself so I really want to do well. Lets hope I don't make a fool out of myself. Weeeeeee

Spring Has Sprung!

2011-05-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

Love this time of year before it gets bloody HOT!

Marinello Monday

2011-03-31T20:34:00.001-07:00

Well, I did it. I enrolled at Marinello Beauty School. I hope to do well in the Esthetics program, which is skin care. I start Tuesday but the orientation is on Monday. I will go full-time for 7 months. Hopefully the fact that I'm twice everyone's age there won't bother me. Hopefully I will be able to pass tests and hopefully I'll pass the CA state exam when the time comes. Hopefully I'm making the right decision. I won't know unless I try. Wish me luck y'all.

Turning 41 in Vegas!

2011-03-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

Holy crap, I'm 41!!!

Things Are Gonna Change!

2011-03-16T23:47:00.000-07:00

Just discovered Adele. Love her!

2011-03-06T12:14:00.001-08:00

Hello March!

2011-03-02T23:05:00.000-08:00

What I Love Most.

2011-02-22T18:32:00.001-08:00

Love

2011-02-13T11:38:00.000-08:00

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life... that word is love.

-- Sophocles

Dance!

2011-02-03T23:53:00.001-08:00

Saw Ellen today. It was fun but no gifts which really kinda sucked. Amy Adams (like her), Channing Tatum (he's hot) and Bethenny Frankel (seemed bitchy) were the guests.

I am SO tired. Long day.

I think I can, I think I can.

2011-01-23T00:19:00.000-08:00

I think I have finally figured out what I'm supposed to do. After working more than 20 years as an assistant, I have been struggling to find a job since moving to the AV. Then it hit me. Beauty school! I've always wondered if I would like working in that industry. I've always been interested in skin care, especially after selling Avon last year. I have looked into nearby schools and my favorite is Marinello. It's really close to home which is an added bonus. I have filled out an enrollment form. The next step will be meeting with someone at the school and taking a tour. I hope I can get some kind of financial aid. I am excited to have a goal and something in my future to work towards. I feel like I've been floundering around, unsure of what I should do, what I could do. So hopefully with some time, money and commitment six months from now I will be an Esthetician.

Love this song and movie! I'm such a chick.

2011-01-13T23:52:00.000-08:00

It figures.

2011-01-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

If I had known my boss was going to leave 1 year to the week that I left than maybe, just maybe I would have stayed. I may not have bought a house and moved away from my job and all office jobs. Sometimes I wish I was able to see into the future. It sure would make life easier wouldn't it?

I will have to put this behind me and start focusing again on finding some kind of job near me. That isn't easy, especially in today's job market. I'm going to try hotels next. Maybe I could be a PBX operator. That would be great! I just need something easy and kinda close to home. I've had a long commute my entire life and really don't want to do that again if I don't have to.

Gotta go update my resume.

It's snowing in California!

2011-01-02T19:30:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T22:59:00.000-08:00

Please God let 2011 be a better year than 2010.

Mom

2010-12-24T21:37:00.001-08:00

2010 Year in Photos

2010-12-22T23:25:00.000-08:00

2010 ~ My Year According to Facebook

2010-12-14T00:28:00.001-08:00

They have no freaking idea.

2010-11-30T16:02:00.000-08:00

Over the past few months I have been poked, prodded and scanned. It has been anything but fun. First I had an upper abdominal ultrasound. Then I was sent to a liver and gastro specialist who wanted to do a colonoscopy. This was followed by an abdominal CT scan. I also had to see a urologist. They did an ultrasound of my bladder and kidneys. Today I had a cystoscopy so they could look inside my bladder. I was awake for it. Oh my God... not fun at all. I am now finding it hard to sit and it burns very badly when I urinate. I hope this burning painful feeling goes away soon because it sucks.

All of these tests have turned up NOTHING. Nothing? Yes, nothing is apparently wrong with me even though I do have a slightly elevated white blood count which means my body is fighting 'something'. I also have microscopic hematuria which is blood in my urine that can't be seen. I forgot! I do have something. I have an enlarged fatty liver which is probably pretty common and nothing to worry about. I just have to lose weight. Good luck with that!

I suppose I should be happy nothing horrific has been found and I am. I'm relieved and grateful but I'm also annoyed because I just went through all of these sucky tests to learn nothing is wrong with me. This is obviously good news. Much better than being told you have cancer or something miserable like that but I'm also still left wondering what's wrong. Why does it feel like I have something on the right side of my abdomen? Why does it bother me more when I bend forward or clean the house? Why do I have blood in my urine and why is my white blood count elevated? Why? Nobody knows. I am happy and I am sad. I want some answers even if they are bad because at least I would have some answers.

It seems to me like doctors do their usual tests and if they don't see the obvious things they look for then they tell you you're fine. They don't investigate further. I'm not there for the fun of it. I have something wrong with me and I want some answers. Not just some more bills to pay.

Not fun. Not fun at all!

2010-11-07T12:08:00.000-08:00

I never want to do that again. Prepping for my colonoscopy was horrible. Really bad. The first few hours of running to the bathroom was fine but 12 hrs of this was a bit much. Not to mention that my butt felt like it was on fire and sharp razorblades were shooting out of it. The actual colonoscopy was easy. They put me to sleep and then I woke up crying (weird) but it was over. I was a bit out of it for the rest of the day. My intestines felt strange and full of air. The results of the biopsies were good. Nothing horrible found. No loops or kinks in my intestines. No polyps, and most importantly NO Crohn's Disease. This is what my mother had and I've always feared I would also have it. So that's good news except I still don't know what is wrong with me. What is this 'thing' I feel on the right side of my abdomen? What the hell is it? It's nothing that shows up in a colonoscopy, ultrasound or a CT scan. This is very frustrating.

I do, however, have blood in my urine. I can't see it but it's there. This is called Microscopic Hematuria. I've had 3 urine tests and they always find blood. It's a symptom of something. I also have a slightly elevated white blood count. The next step is to have a lovely test called a Cystoscopy where they will insert a scope into my urethra up into my bladder looking for cancer and other possible things that could be causing blood in my urine. Can this all just be over with now? This will be done on 11/30/10. I am currently enjoying a small break from doctor's appointments and tests.

Boo!

2010-10-31T00:09:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween 2010!

God

2010-10-30T23:52:00.000-07:00

When God leads you to the end of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, either one of two things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly.

Happy 10-10-10

2010-10-10T00:32:00.000-07:00

Today is 10-10-10. This day only happens every 1000 years! Kinda cool.

Scared

2010-10-10T00:18:00.001-07:00

I'm scared. Who wouldn't be right? This upcoming week on October 14th I am having my first colonoscopy. Why am I so lucky to have one at age 40 instead of 50 you ask? Well... because I'm having some pain and discomfort and because my mother had Crohn's Disease and my father recently had pre-cancerous polyps removed. So I've got to go through the lovely prep the day before when I starve myself on a liquid diet while cleaning myself out with three different OTC laxatives. Oh joy! Then I read horror stories about people who feel the exam while it's going on or wake up in the middle of the procedure. Or the doctor makes a mistake and they end up with a perforated colon and are rushed into emergency surgery. I can only hope and pray for the best and that this won't happen to me.

So ya... I'm scared.

I have a headache and it's thiiis big and it has Excedrin written all over it.

2010-09-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

I have had an Excedrin headache since I was a teenager. I am now 40. I have this unique problem. Every time I eat something I get a headache. Lucky me. So after several doctors have told me to stop taking it I am finally really trying to do so. I pretty much have a headache all the time as I taper myself off of this fabulous pain killer. It does a good job but it is also hurting the rest of me in the process. My liver, my intestines and who knows what else. Why can't anything be easy and why can't anything be fair? I did not ask to have this strange food allergy. I didn't ask for my body to become dependent on this wonderful aspirin and caffeine filled tablet. It's just how it is and it kinda sucks. I am working hard at getting off of them though and my head is not amused. I have gone from 6-8 a day (told the doctor 5-6 a day) to 2 a day and I'm hoping to get to 1 a day next week and then hopefully none. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and all while I'm worrying that there may be a tumor/mass growing inside of my abdomen. A fun as hell colonoscopy is scheduled for October 14th. The doctor thinks that maybe my large intestine is kinked or looped or whatever. Sounds like surgery to me. But I'm thinking if it's not that then I have something growing inside of me. I think it's been growing a while and I think it's getting big and that's why I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable. Now, to just get the doctors to believe me.

Oh and I have a liver update (my previous post). My liver is enlarged but not to the point that I need to have a biopsy. The doctor thinks it's my intestines instead that are causing me pain. This isn't cool either. I really don't know which is worse of the two evils. Or three evils since I think something is growing in there and causing it. It all sucks if you ask me.

Sigh.

Liver and onions... cause this just stinks!

2010-09-16T00:26:00.001-07:00

Actually, no onions but I thought the title was cute. I just found out I have an enlarged liver. Kinda sucks. I'm really freaked out. I've been experiencing some discomfort for awhile (years) now and finally went to the doctor for it because it felt like it might be getting worse. Or at least more noticeable. After an ultrasound was done it was found that my liver is enlarged and fatty... like me. It's called NASH. I might have to have a liver biopsy. I'm really scared to have a biopsy. Overly frighted, want to run for the hills kinda scared. I am meeting with a liver specialist tomorrow. In the mean time I am eating better and trying to lose weight and tapering off my Excedrin addiction or dependency that I've had since I was a teen. I don't like taking so many everyday but when it's the only thing that helps and your only other alternative is to become a non-functioning vegetable sleeping in a dark room with a pounding headache... you take the Excedrin.

Wish me luck. I think I'm gonna need it. I am scared shit less for tomorrow's doctor appointment.

Talking cats are entertaining!

2010-08-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

Fire!!!

2010-08-02T17:09:00.001-07:00

This is what we saw as we drove away with just a few belongings and our two cats. Really? Is this really, seriously happening? Yes, it was. We haven't even lived in our new house an entire year yet but we have already had a fire coming down the hill towards our neighborhood. Unbelievable!

The Leona Valley Crown Fire started late Thursday afternoon, July 29, 2010. Only a few hours after spotting the smoke off in the distance and hearing on the news that there was in fact a fire nearby did we get evacuated. Mandatory evacuation! I can't even describe how scary it was. Running around trying to collect a few irreplaceable items like old photos, jewelry, paperwork and of course the kitties. The poor kitties didn't know what was going on. We left not knowing if we'd have a house when we returned. Thank God we did! The firemen did an awesome job and we can never express our appreciation enough. We were away from home for two nights. Watched the news nonstop, worried and waited. We are so happy to be home now and hope nothing else happens. We've had enough excitement to last us awhile.

No Job, Less Blog

2010-06-16T17:08:00.000-07:00

Without a job, I have less to blog (bitch) about so things are a little slow here on the blog front. Sorry I'm so boring. The biggest thing I have to bitch about right now is NOT having a job.

I recently found out that MI finally replaced me a few weeks ago. You mean I'm not irreplaceable? I'm sure they are happy now with someone in that position who has an accounting background. When I started working there 13 years ago there was no need for my position to know accounting at all... and I didn't. But with the many changes in that department over the years that job outgrew me.

I really do like staying home but one day leads to the next and week after week goes by and I wonder if I will ever find something new? I am full of self doubt and that's not good. There really should be some kind of 'work at home' job out there that's real and legitimate. I don't know what direction to go in so I just stand (sit) still and wait for the answers to come to me. I hope I'm not waiting forever. I think the longer it takes the harder it will be for me to find a new job. I need to get over my fear and fast!

When people ask me "So what do you do for work" I really must come up with a different answer than "Ummmm nothing right now". My husband says when it's time for me to go back to work it will happen. I hope he's right. I have my doubts. I wish I could just ENJOY the time off but that's hard for me to do when I don't know what the future holds. I wish I would just wake up one morning with all of the answers.

What's Your Poo Telling You?

2010-04-21T17:17:00.001-07:00

It's telling me to go to the doctor. It's telling me that something is wrong with me but I'm too afraid. Too afraid to go find out what's wrong. I've been messed up for a long time now. It's actually 'normal' for things to be wrong. I just get used to the many trips to the bathroom and the strange feeling in my stomach. I'm most concerned with a pain I've had in my abdomen. It's a dull pain. Sometimes it feels like it's moving around or pulling. It's hard to explain but it's not right. I keep imagining that there is a tumor growing inside me. I am actually pretty damn sure there is something there. I have convinced myself there is. So much so that I'm too afraid to go find out. Then I start to wonder if I'm imagining all of this? I'm not. I know I'm not. I know something is wrong. I know what I have to do. But FEAR keeps me from doing it. FEAR makes me do nothing. FEAR will probably kill me.

I should read this everyday!

2010-04-18T00:48:00.001-07:00

Going over the hill...

2010-03-25T21:41:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, March 26, is my 40th Birthday. Yes, you read that right... my FORTIETH birthday. The BIG 4-0. Seriously, am I really turning 40 tomorrow? Yes, yes I am. I know nothing will change, it won't feel different and it's really not that big of a deal so why am I slightly freaked out by the fact that I'm turning 40 tomorrow? I guess I should just shut up and be grateful that I have lived this long. Being 40 seemed so old when I was 20. Not as old when I was 30 and now it's just old. If I feel like this now, how am I going to feel when I turn 50?

Happy Birthday to me!

Pushy

2010-03-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

I just started selling AVON and I don't want to be pushy but I need to get the word out. I don't want to shove it down my friend's throats at all. I hate when that is done to me so I'm really trying hard to avoid doing that but DON'T tell me you are going to buy something and then don't. Don't say you love Avon and can't wait to order and then don't. Don't lie to me. I'd rather you say nothing at all or tell me you can't buy anything right now or tell me to leave you the hell alone but DON'T tell me you will buy something and then do nothing. That really irks me. There is no excuse for that. Just tell me the truth. Tell me you hate Avon, that's fine. Just don't tell me you like it and will be my customer because then it's just a big F'ing disappointment!

I joined... now order!

2010-03-13T18:38:00.000-08:00

Avon calling!

2010-03-01T12:48:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking about selling Avon. I can at least start with that while I figure out what else I can do and where I can get a part-time job. Now if I could only get the rep to call me back! Hopefully I'll hear from her soon and hopefully it won't cost much to join and hopefully I will like it and do well at it... hopefully.

CALL me back already!

Fuck Cancer

2010-02-15T00:28:00.001-08:00

My uncle's kidney cancer is back. I thought his last surgery, just a few months ago, would buy him more time but I'm shocked to find out it's back. Again, already! How is that possible? He's still recovering from his last surgery. This is too soon. This isn't fair. Life is so unfair. How are you supposed to be positive when something so horrible just keeps knocking you down before you can even get strong enough to try fighting it? This is a very sad Valentine's Day. I hope he hasn't completely given up.

Be My Valentine

2010-02-11T23:30:00.001-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

I love you xoxo

Farewell... goodbye!

2010-01-29T23:25:00.000-08:00

Today was my last day at the Milken Institute and it was bittersweet. I couldn't wait to leave but at the same time I'd been there for such a long time that it was really strange knowing I wouldn't be returning next week. That my desk was no longer my desk. That my slow ass computer was no longer my computer and that I had to hand over my office keys and parking card. Totally weird!

The day started out fine. I had a nervous stomach all morning. I hate not having control over that! I try and self talk and calm myself down but to no avail. Surprisingly, I had a good last day. People were really nice to me. I got alot of unwanted attention but I must admit it was nice. To know that a few people actually cared a little bit about me. I have always felt like an outsider there. More and more lately. So to suddenly feel 'liked' was odd. With the exception of a few, the friends I had made at work left years ago.

So wish me luck. I'm on to the next chapter of my life.

Approaching the BIG 4-0

2010-01-25T16:55:00.000-08:00

After much consideration we have decided to have my 40th birthday at Farrell's Ice Cream Parlour. Remember those? I have such fond memories of attending birthday parties there when I was a kid. We originally were going to have a nice, somewhat fancy dinner at a restaurant at The Grove. That is still what I really want to do but I don't want to spend the $600 plus dollars it would cost to do it. So our second choice is Turning 40 at Farrell's! It will cost less and it's still fun but in a different way. This Farrell's is inside a place called Mountasia. There is miniature golf, bumper cars, and go carts. So I will just be a big 40 year old kid at my party.

AND I can't believe I'm going to be 40 freaking years old! Are you kidding me!

Snow in sunny California?

2010-01-20T23:12:00.000-08:00

Now I've seen everything! It's pretty but making my work commute even more hellish than it already is.

Is that possible? YES!

Adios!

2010-01-16T11:10:00.000-08:00

I did it. I resigned. I gave two weeks notice so my last day will be January 29th. I wonder where I will end up? I wonder how long I will be without a job? I am fortunate to be able to do this. Rob is working full-time and I sold my condo so I feel secure enough to venture out and take a chance. I don't take chances very often so when I do it's a big deal. Change can be scary.

I have been collecting these sayings. I like them. They make me feel better, more positive and hopeful, which is not the usual me.

"Without change there would be no butterflies."

"Many rivers lead to one ocean. Remember there is always another way to achieve your goals!"

Stick a fork in me!

2010-01-07T11:35:00.001-08:00

Stick a fork in me, I'm done! Done with my job. I'm at that fork in the road wondering which is the best (safest, smartest, happiest) way to go. I have hated it there for such a long time. Too many years to count. Now on top of that I have an additional boss to Jeff and they are hiring another accounting geek/manager for me to assist. Poor me, I know. But this is not what I signed up for. When you hate everyone and everything about your job it makes it REALLY difficult to go in everyday.

Well, the real kicker happened last night. Jeff unloads a pile of shit on me on his way out the door for the evening. I will have to do a big annual vendor filing project NOW instead of in 3 months when it is always done. As luck would have it our fiscal year has changed to 12/31. It's alot of work and makes my back and fingers hurt (from making and lifting file folders) and I dread it every year. And to top it off they are changing the entire chart of accounts and accounting program MAS90. What? No F'ing way am I going to stick around and have to learn all that shit when I already have 1 foot out the door.

It also doesn't help that my commute has doubled after buying our house. I'm on the road for 4 or more hours a day to go someplace I can't stand and do things I hate to do. What kind of quality of life is that?

So I think this is it. Hopefully the condo escrow will close next week so I can give my notice. I think 13 years of misery is enough don't you?

2009 in a nutshell.

2009-12-23T12:12:00.000-08:00

Stressed the F out!

2009-12-15T17:28:00.000-08:00

Life has been stressful lately. I keep telling myself it could always be worse and it could but man... can I get a break already?

The first offer on the condo fell through. The buyer was not doing whatever they were supposed to be doing in a timely manner so they bailed. Luckily there was another buyer still interested in the condo so that was good. Now we will see what happens. Lots of stress concerning the condo like fixing things and real estate taxes and lots of other 'fun' things that I don't understand. It's so freaking frustrating!

Now my uncle, who has to sign all of the condo paperwork, is in the hospital! He had kidney cancer last year and had one of his kidneys removed. Now only 40% of his remaining kidney is working and he is losing lots of blood but they don't know where it's going. They are going to do tests to see if he has colon cancer. It's all very sad and stressful. My mind is spinning. What if he is unable to sign all of the condo related paperwork. Then what? Sometimes I just want to hide under a rock.

There are so many stressful things happening right now. Not only for me but for others I know. I don't know what it is about the holidays. They are supposed to be a joyful time but in reality the end of the year has not been very good for me. My mother died right after Thanksgiving. My grandpa died on New Years. I will never forget having to shop for a black dress for my mother's funeral and hearing holiday music playing in all of the stores and watching everyone be so happy. My mother had just died! Didn't anybody know this? Didn't anybody care? No, they did not.

Rob says I need to stop stressing. I need to just realize that these things are out of my control and just relax and see what happens. Sure... if only it was in my nature to do so! I'm trying.

Goodbye Condo, Hello House!

2009-11-30T23:06:00.001-08:00

20134 Leadwell Street, #333

Winnetka, CA 91306

$155,000 - 2 bedroom, 2 bath

884 sq feet

Goodbye condo. You've been good to me. I lived in you for 20 years. TWENTY YEARS!!! I'm 39 so that's half my life. We received several offers right after you went on the market and now we will go through escrow so I can make some money and stop paying for you. That would be really nice! But I am sad. It was sad seeing you empty. I was not expecting to feel so many things but I know it's for the best. I hope your new owners take good care of you. I will miss you and will keep the many memories with me forever.

Forever and ever like it or not... aka "I do, yes".

2009-11-23T15:56:00.000-08:00

My husband means EVERYTHING to me. We are no longer newlyweds. Our 1 year anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks. Wow, that was fast! How the hell did that happen? We have accomplished alot in the last year. Putting big red check marks on our Dream To Do List as we go. Our biggest dream, other than meeting each other, was fulfilled recently when we purchased our first home together. Neither one of us ever thought we'd be married or own a house and look at us now.

Along with all these wonderful dreams come some not so wonderful stress and change and problems and more stress. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to snap... and I do or I should say we do. We snap at each other alot lately and this makes me sad. So I cry like a big baby and I feel sorry for myself. Then I get mad at myself for doing this because I should only be happy and grateful. I have everything I've ever wanted. So what gives? Well, I've never been so tired in all my life. I'm sure that has something to do with it. I don't handle being tired very well. And there are alot of unknowns and new bills and new things to learn and deal with and I guess I don't handle those things very well either. Lord knows I'm trying!

So here we are, 1 year later and things are very different but one thing remains the same. . . Our love.

I'm still here!

2009-11-18T09:15:00.000-08:00

It's been so long since I've blogged. I'm still here. Actually, I'm usually on the freeway sitting in traffic for over 2 hours to get to work and 2 hours to get home. It's my worst nightmare! But as my husband says, it's a means to an end. I wish it would end. And soon! This is week 2 of the horrid commute from hell. Yesterday was the worst so far. It took me 2 hrs and 45 mins to get to work! Can you believe that? Almost 3 hrs to go someplace I don't even want to be. Insane! Now, if the roads looked like the lovely picture above then that wouldn't be so bad but that is not what I see. I see brake lights and lots of them. Woe is me.

On a much happier note, the house is coming along nicely. Slower than I would like it to. Having money to do things is always an issue but we are making it nicer and it's feeling more like home everyday. My kitties, Sam & Sophie, are getting used to it. Sophie was much quicker than Sam at liking her new digs. Sam tortured me yowling nightly and keeping me awake the first week. He's better now thank God and dare I say, he is actually starting to like it. He has more room and an exciting birdie show to watch every morning as he lounges on his (my) bed. Lucky bastard.

So all in all the transition is going smoothly. A few more big things need to happen soon... like selling the condo. The sooner the better. I really hope it doesn't sit on the market for months. We have to pay for both places until it sells so SELL SELL SELL.

Our first home!

2009-10-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

I'm excited and scared! Escrow closed yesterday and recorded today so we officially own our first home. Now the FUN begins. So much to do that I am once again overwhelmed. Hopefully we can handle it all. Not looking forward to my commute that has just gotten even worse, if that's possible. I will do what I need to do to have this gorgeous perfect house that we have dreamed about for years now. Isn't it cute?

InSaNe

2009-10-13T21:53:00.001-07:00

The paperwork is insane and apparently never ending! Just when I think I've done everything I need to do and given them everything they have asked for... they need something else. I had NO idea buying a house would be this complicated. I knew it was a big deal and would require some credit checks and signatures but this is crazy... seriously crazy. Completely insane! I can't believe so many people have gone through this before us. It MUST be more difficult now after the whole mess with the banks giving anybody a loan. I can't believe it's always been this difficult. Not possible.

Luckily we are nearing the end. I think. I hope. We are going to go sign the final loan documents tomorrow night. I thought that was it but nope, there are still more hoops to jump through and more things to wait for. Seriously insane. But we do see the light at the end of the tunnel so this is encouraging.

And to think this is just the beginning of a long road that we couldn't wait to travel on. It is exciting and stressful and nerve wracking as hell. The fear of the unknown is killing me. But I must just jump in and believe that whatever happens is supposed to happen and that we are going to be ok. Change scares me. This is a super huge change with alot of decisions to make. After the house sale is final I will have to concentrate on selling the condo. I worry about this also. What if it takes a long time to sell? It really needs to happen within a few months for this to be somewhat manageable.

Until then, I will dream of our big house and how we plan to furnish it and landscape it and feel at home in it.

Keep your sick ass home!

2009-10-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

Stay home you sick jerks who feel it necessary to bring your contagious asses to work so you can cough and sneeze all over me! It's not like I have a choice and can leave the office. I have to sit here and take it. I have to sit here and let you breathe, hack and sneeze all over me. I want to punch you people in the face. You have offices. Close your door and keep your sick ass in there! Don't come out and cough all over the place. You annoy me enough when you aren't sick so you can only imagine how I feel about you when you are sick. Maybe try washing your hands once in awhile. Just a suggestion.

Poor kitties

2009-10-05T23:01:00.001-07:00

My poor kitties. They are getting older and it shows. They have been my babies for 14 years now. I am way too attached to them. I love them so much... too much. Lately they have been having alot of health issues. I guess most of it is just their age showing. I wonder how long they will live, which one will leave me first? It's so depressing.

Tonight was especially hard. Sophie was throwing up while Sam was having diarrhea. Not fun for them or me! Anyway, I love them so much and will take the best care of them that I can. Hopefully things won't get too difficult. I hope they still have many years ahead of them. There will never again be another Sam & Sophie.

We're in escrow!!!

2009-09-24T23:11:00.001-07:00

We are so excited! This is the house we will be moving in to in about a month. It's our dream house!

Even shorter!

2009-09-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

I had my hair cut even shorter today. I love it. Rob says it's 'sassy'.

CIGNA sucks!

2009-09-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

Luckily my stomach pain has improved and we are thinking I must have a torn muscle wall. We also figured out what the bleeding was. Nothing too serious. But with my constant stomach ailments and family history of intestinal problems my doctor thought it was best if I have a CT scan first before possibly having a colonoscopy. A CT scan is less invasive and can see things that might be going on other than in the intestines such as my liver, gallbladder etc. CIGNA did not agree and would not approve my CT scan. CIGNA is making me hate them EVEN MORE than I did before.

I don't want to sound ungrateful. I am happy I have insurance. I know not everybody does and things could be worse but the whole insurance propaganda bullshit is starting to get to me.

Here is an interesting article:

LIVING WITH CANCER, DYING WITH
INSURANCE.

A very long month ago, I woke up in my sunny Brooklyn apartment with this thought: I am going to die. The next thought was no less comforting: I am dying.

I am turning thirty in a few days, but i have had cancer for ten years. I went for my regular test at Sloan-Kettering a month ago, and I thought to myself over and over before submitting to the general anesthesia, "All I want for my 30th birthday is a clean scan. Good news, good news, good new--" and that's where I stop remembering. When I came to, four hours later, some part of my brain was still repeating "Good news good news good news." But I was wrong.

I found out that I have to start chemotherapy again. I remember 2001, having a biopsy of a large tumor in my hip joint on my birthday. I remember singing a dirge-like "Happy Birthday" under my breath to myself, alone with the doctors, shaking uncontrollably from the medication coursing through my veins in that freezing cold operating room.

But it was not having cancer for a decade, not finding out I had more cancer after already dealing with cancer every day, that made me think I was dying.

I was wondering how to pay Oxford.

A month ago, I did not know what would happen if I lost my medical insurance. Maintaining it seemed so necessary, it had such a stranglehold on my life, that it was and is all that I think about. My coverage was running out fast. Without it, and with my bank account already drained from a year and a half of COBRA payments, I thought the only possible resolution to my situation was that I would slip through the cracks, and I would die. Now, I was looking at an individual insurance policy on the open market and finding it would cost $2,600 a month. Now, I was talking to a social worker who told me I would have to move into a shelter to qualify for Medicaid.

And now, I was talking to a woman in Arkansas on the phone, whom I called as part of a phone bank to urge her to call her senator, Blanche Lincoln, and ask her to support a public opinion. Now I listened as she told me that she "did not believe in anything Obama stood for "and that the answer to my predicament was not the government insuring it's citizens, treating health care as a UNIVERSAL HUMAN RIGHT, but instead that God would help me.

I don't exactly know why I can live and thrive with cancer, but am reduced to such unadulterated fear when it comes to maintaining my insurance coverage. Having cancer? I've been brave and strong and fierce. Losing the only way to maintain my fleeting health? I can't face it. I'm reading this blog, reading about people who have died because they do not have insurance, who have died trying. Will I be one of them?

Hoping for a hemorrhoid

2009-09-09T17:09:00.000-07:00

It's time. Time to face my BIGGEST FEAR ever! I have to have a colonoscopy. I have symptoms that are raising red flags and need further investigation. We need to rule out the bad stuff like colon cancer, rectal cancer, crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis and irritable bowel syndrome. I've had abdominal pain for a week now and bleeding off and on for a month. Plus other lovely things that go on daily that I won't get in to here. Being abnormal is normal to me.

My mother had crohn's disease. She died when she was only 42. I was 19. I spent my entire childhood worrying about her and watching her suffer horribly. I saw her lose weight, vomit uncontrollably, have over 20 surgeries and deal with a colostomy bag. She had tumors and ulcers and was in a coma for 3 days. She went through hell. I went through hell with her. The thought of me ever being sick, terminally ill, terrifies me to tears.

So I must have a colonoscopy whether I want one or not. I am hoping it's just a hemorrhoid that is causing the bleeding. I am hoping it's just irritable bowel causing the pain but I am scared to death that it's more than that. That it's something that will torture me and eventually kill me someday.

I have my consultation appointment with doctor number 2 tomorrow and I think I'll make my colonoscopy appointment then. Sounds like a blast! I can't eat at all the day before. I can only drink water. I will also have to drink something that makes me clean my intestines out and they might give me an additional enema before the procedure. Oh what fun!

I don't hate Kate

2009-08-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

I don't hate Kate (of John & Kate + 8) like so many others do. I'm surprised that most of my friends think she's horrendous and deserves the misery she's living in right now. I don't. I know she can be bitchy but what wife isn't a BIOTCH sometimes? There were a few times she spoke to John like he was a child in public and that was wrong but maybe he was acting like a child. She shouldn't have embarrassed him in public but I still don't think she's as horrible as people think she is. I always thought she was doing it because it made for good TV. I guess I think she's getting a bad rap. Maybe he was being a dick the entire time. Maybe she suspected he was cheating on her and that is why she was bitchy with him. Only they know the truth and I'm sure they each have their own truth. Just like any other couple going through divorce. From what I can see she is a very good mother. I don't know how she does it, even with help. To have that many kids would be insanely overwhelming for anyone.

I used to like John but he is not the John I saw on the show in the beginning. He is an earring and Ed Hardy T-shirt wearing man whore. He is now suddenly spotted with several different women in their 20's! There is no need for that. At least wait until your divorce if final! It's like he's gone a bit mad. Maybe being locked up for so long under Kate's thumb didn't help matters but at least she hasn't been bad mouthing him. She never says anything negative about him personally when she does interviews. She mostly just talks about her feelings and being there for her kids. She is taking the high road. He is taking the low road. Hopefully things will calm down soon and the kids aren't too messed up in the process.

Worms!

2009-08-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

I had a dream about big fat earthworms last night. I don't remember ever dreaming about worms before.

This is what it means:

To see an earthworm in your dream, indicates that you need to go deep into your unconscious in order to unearth your hidden feelings and desires. Alternatively, earthworms symbolize little things that can be beneficial for your growth and well-being. It also represents renewal. Perhaps you need to restore some aspect of yourself.

Interesting...

I might be a step monster

2009-08-19T14:23:00.001-07:00

I have a stepson... well sort of. He's not really my stepson. I have yet to meet him but might be doing so soon. He's my husband's son who isn't really his son. It's all so confusing. I wish I were more understanding but it's difficult to have my arms opened wide for my husband's ex girlfriend's kid. He wasn't ever married to her and he's not really his son but we call him his son and his not really son calls him dad. He has a real dad, my husband as a dad and a step dad. Lots of dads. Can't have too many I guess when your mom is a whore. Oops did I say that? Anyway, I realize that it's not said fake son's fault that his mom is a whore or that he has so many dads but jeez why is this now my mess to deal with? Oh, because I'm in love with his not really dad #2. Are you following along? I know it's confusing isn't it?

I might be meeting him soon. That is what is prompting the bitching. He is 17 and supposedly wants to come visit his dad, my husband, who is not really his dad. This is going to probably be weird and awkward. Just to hear someone call my husband dad will be strange. He (we) don't have any kids. Well, I guess we do. We have his ex girlfriend's kid. Oy Vey!

So he is most likely coming to visit soon. We are still waiting for the date and I'm starting to get nervous about it. What if he's a jerk? What do I do? How do I handle it if he says rude things to me or about me? We will have to pay for his food for a few days and take him to some fun places. Would his mother do this for my kid? Probably not. Be the better person I chant to myself when I really just want to say NO.

I hope we like each other so my heart can soften towards him and this resentment I have goes away. That would be really nice and make things much easier. My fingers are crossed.

My first tattoo!

2009-08-16T00:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it! I was so nervous on our way there. It hurt but was tolerable. I don't know how people get really big tattoos. Their pain tolerance must be really high. I'm proud that I did it. I love it! I can't wait until it heals and stops being sore. It's cute!

Why?

2009-08-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

I'm getting a cute little tattoo tomorrow. It will be my first. I like tattoos. I like lots of them on some people but not on me.

But THIS I do NOT understand...

I am not a people person... but I'll tolerate you

2009-08-06T12:16:00.000-07:00

I don't like people. Well, I like very few people. Why is it that everyone gets on my nerves and seems fake and phony to me? I really am a friendly, nice person who will do anything for you IF I LIKE YOU. If not, you are nothing to me and I don't care about you at all. It's so extreme. Why am I like that? I would much rather like people a little bit and have some really good friends. But that's not how it is. I am so easily annoyed. Especially lately. The way people talk, the things that they do, the sounds coming from their office, the way they kiss each other's butts... oh so annoying. Makes me not like them much. I guess I don't have to like people right? I just have to tolerate them. I just have to get along with them enough to function in society. Now for the people I do like. Oh, I like you ALOT! I might even love you. You are the lucky few. I sound like such a snob. I hope I'm not a snob. Am I a snob? Oh well... I don't care what you think if I don't like you anyway. Right?

Enough bitching for today.

The Newlywed Game

2009-07-30T15:55:00.001-07:00

I just applied for us to be on the newly revived game show from the 60's, The Newlywed Game - Season 2. Wouldn't that be funny? Hopefully I wouldn't say something stupid like the woman did in the clip below. Take a look!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_pmbJpltP4

When your boss is a weirdo

2009-07-29T09:12:00.000-07:00

I long for the day of having a normal boss. It's been so long I can't even remember what it's like. To be said hello to and to be thanked. Wow, that would be nice. To not hear 'beep, beep, beep' and other sounds when he walks by or enters a room. What is that? Are you somehow announcing yourself or just being obnoxious? I don't need to hear 'doot, doot, doot' or 'beep, beep, beep' as you enter the room or approach my desk. Need I remind you that you are a grown man who doesn't need to resemble a cartoon character or a wacko? Sigh... lucky me.

I guess I should just sit back and enjoy the show. And sometimes I do but sometimes I just want to unleash everything I hold in on a daily basis and rip him a new one.

I guess my situation is better than my husbands. His big boss is a big something else! He is downright mean to him. Constantly puts him down. Tells him how stupid and fat he is (he's not). Makes snide comments about needing to learn and not doing anything right. What the hell! My husband is a very good worker. He has strong work ethics and always goes above and beyond the call of duty so what gives?

I guess this is what we must endure right now to survive. I remind myself that it can always be worse. We could be jobless and idiot bossless with a whole other set of problems to contend with. So, I guess for now, we will deal with what has been dealt to us and hope for some positive changes in the future.

Tattoooooo

2009-07-17T14:17:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo. I've wanted one for a long time. I never knew what to have done or if I could stand the pain. I still don't know if I can stand the pain but I know what I want. I'm very excited about getting it! Not sure when this will be. I'm trying to figure out where on my body to put it. Such decisions! This is what I want to get. It's a heart created with the letters of Rob's name. How perfect is that?

I HATE hot people!

2009-07-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

I hate hot people! Seriously. Is this fair???

Ali Landry frolicked on the beach with her two-year old daughter Estela in Malibu this weekend.

Well good for her! I guess not everyone can be gorgeous right? I was born with crappy genes along with a love of everything that tastes good but is bad for me. Can I trade in my genes for some new better looking ones… please? Ummm thanks.

Finding the right person

2009-07-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

My husband recently posted this on a forum page. I thought it was sweet and wanted to share.

This is something I just recently learned. When people say that when you find the right person for you that you will just "know", they are actually right. You just feel it. At 37 I had pretty much given up on looking for "the one" and settled on the idea I might just be single the rest of my life. Which I could live with, i guess. But then I met this woman that just fit with me. Even though we are almost complete opposites, we connect. And it's funny, how we can be so different and yet our idiosyncrasies just line up. I didn't have to ask myself if this was the girl for me, I just knew. So now at 41 I am married to my soul mate and happily looking forward to my future. So my advice to those who haven't found yours yet, is that you will know when you do and also, I believe that their is someone out there for you.

Awwwww

It sucks being Cinderella

2009-06-29T22:43:00.000-07:00

It sucks being Cinderella. I feel like the ugly, unwanted step child. It didn't used to be this way. What the hell happend? I've been there longer than anyone else (except for one director) 12 years! Doesn't that count for something? NO. I am responsible, dependable and will always do what's right. Doesn't that count for something? NO. I definitely don't belong there anymore. I used to have friends at work. They all left me. They were smart and got the hell out of there. I am stuck. For now. Hopefully not much longer. The last slap in the face I got was being handed a pile of bonus checks that I must hand out to my co-workers tomorrow. Not only am I one of the few that didn't get a bonus check (or a raise this year). I have to hand everyone else their bonus checks. What the hell. Are you serious? I am supposed to just smile and be grateful for my job? Not anymore. I just can't be. I hate them. I hate one person in particular. Ever since he started working there things have been different for me. It only takes one person to fuck up your life and make you miserable. You can't tell me that everyone else deserved a bonus except for me. That's just not true. Thank God I don't know how much the bonuses are. I'm sure that would be even more upsetting. I can understand directors getting bonus checks for the extra hours they put in during conference time but not same level employees that have worked there only a few years and play games on their computers all day. Seriously, life is not fair. I really wanted to walk out today. Just quit. Not give them any notice and leave. But I am afraid to make such a big decision right now. The economy is tough. I would have trouble finding a new job right now. My husband and I have dreams and these will never be fulfilled if I give up now. We are so close. So take your fucking bonus checks and shove them up your ass! I don't want your dirty money. I don't need it. I have so much more than that in my life. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and really great friends and an awesome Dad. That's all I need. It's not even about the money. Sure, it would be nice to have a little extra cash like everyone else to make up for the lack of a raise this year. But I am not on that list. I somehow got on the shit list. The step child that nobody likes. That's fine. The feeling is mutual. I don't like you either. I will tolerate you a little longer and then I'm outta there. I must remind myself that the story Cinderella has a happy ending. I hope that's how this ends for me. Happily.

Happy fat?

2009-06-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

I have what they call "happy fat". I'm in love and newly married therefore I am fat and happy. I was fat before when I wasn't happy so I guess that was sad fat. I am just fat. What makes me sad is that I had lost a lot of weight a few years back. I worked really hard at it. I felt much better and I was so proud of myself. But to keep eating well and exercising for life just wasn't going to happen. Not for me. I am naturally fat. I love to eat and I have cravings for certain foods that I just HAVE TO HAVE. I'm also lazy and would much rather sit on my ass watching TV or sit at my computer and surf the web. I was motivated a couple of months ago. Even finally bought a treadmill. I have nowhere to put it so it's taking up half of my living room looking lovely facing the TV ready for use. I've been on it once. What is wrong with me? Seriously. If I can't exercise in my own living room then all my other excuses go out the door. Like I hate exercising in front of others. Or I hate going to a gym and finding parking and oh so many other excuses I have saved in my brain for instant use.

Lately my back has been killing me. It must be from the extra weight I've gained since my wedding 6 months ago. I've never been small but I was smaller at the time. I had a dress to fit in to. I had to stay the same and not gain anything until after the wedding. Well, I have! I have gained about 20 more pounds. I went a little crazy choosing to eat just about anything I wanted whenever I wanted. My husband loves me no matter what right? He says I'm not fat, I'm his beautiful wife. That is so sweet! But not at all motivating for someone that will find any excuse NOT to diet and exercise. I love him but that just isn't going to cut it.

So here I sit with an ice pack on the lower right side of my back. It's not really helping much but I don’t know what else to do. I also took some back pain pills. I hope they help! I must remember this pain the next time I want to eat something I shouldn't. Which will be soon knowing me. I must remember this pain if I'm going to ever at least take off enough weight to at least feel better. I may not look much better but I will feel better and as I age, this is very important. I keep forgetting that I'm approaching 40. What? The big 4-0!! How can that be?

I'm thinking low carb might be my best choice. Nothing too extreme because then I definitely won't be able to hack it. Low carb is what I’m going to try. And I will force myself to walk a few times a week and maybe do some stretches. That's a good start right? Nobody else is going to do this for me.

Great, now I’m hungry!

The Other Side

2009-06-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

I've always wondered about the other side. Does it exist? Can we connect to it? Can we get the answers and closure we need from a loved one who has passed away? The answer is YES! I was one of the many skeptical people out there. I needed to see proof. It's probably just a bunch of bologna. It can't be real. Well it's REAL.

I started watching a show called Lisa Williams: Life Among the Dead at the suggestion of my friend. I didn't know what to expect but thought I'd give it a try. Wow! Was I impressed. So impressed that I looked into getting my own reading with Lisa Williams. Of course, do to her popularity, she isn't accepting appointments. Another friend of mine suggested a psychic medium named Joanna. Out of curiosity I set up a phone reading with her. I had to wait about a month for the appointment but it was well worth it! It started out slow. I thought I was getting someone else's reading. I didn't recognize any of the names she was giving me. I was completely confused and quickly getting disappointed. Finally after about 10 or 15 minutes Joanna said these are not the people you wanted to be in contact with are they? I said no, I don't know any of the names you are saying. She said she would ask them to please leave so the loved ones I wanted to have contact with could come through. I was starting to think this was all hogwash at this point and was so disappointed but I was still open to anything that might happen. Suddenly she tells me there is a female presence right above you. Spooky! I was hoping it was my mother but didn't want to get too excited. Joanna says she keeps insisting I ask you about the pearl earrings. Does anybody have pearl earrings? She won't move on until I mention the pearl earrings she says. OH MY GOD!!! I was wearing my mother's pearl earrings. I told Joanna this and then started to cry. This was real… ok, now you've got my attention. She said she says you should wear them more often. A lot was said during my reading. Some of it I didn't understand but a lot of it I did. I was able to get the closure I needed about my mother's death. She said it was over quickly and it wasn't painful. I had always wondered about that. She said she didn't blame me for leaving that weekend before she died even though she had asked me to stay with her. I had carried that guilt with me for 18 years! Do you know a Michael? There is someone who had a stroke and I keep feeling the signs of a heart attack. Michael is my boyfriend's father who died of a stroke and heart attack!!! Wow! He decides to come through and he has a few things to say. She asks if I have a sister. No. Is there anybody who is pregnant and expecting soon? YES… my boyfriend's sister is 7 months pregnant. Well Michael says he is very happy about this and he is beaming about the pregnancy. Wow… again. This is crazy! I ask if my mom likes my boyfriend. Yes, she likes Rob and Rob's dad (Michael) likes you and they really like you both together and they will be there on your wedding day. Unbelievable! Is anybody engaged she asks. Well, we have been talking about getting married next year. I tell her I got my dress last night but no official engagement. Well they will be there on your wedding day and you have their blessing. Wow again… I mean how much can one person take? It was a wonderful experience. I was sobbing though most of it by the end. I was also shaking. It was such a weird experience. A good but weird experience. It even made a believer out of my skeptical boyfriend.

Just knowing that my mother died quickly and without pain after having such a painful life is very comforting. Knowing she doesn't blame me for her death and that she likes my boyfriend is also wonderful. A gift I will appreciate for the rest of my life.

Written December 2007

Scary shit!

2009-06-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

I just had one of my scariest moments ever! We were watching TV around 10 pm when someone knocked on our door. It's late. This doesn't normally happen. It's a police officer telling us we have to leave right away. There is a mandatory evacuation order for our building and the buildings around us because there is a guy in the building right behind mine with explosives. WHAT??? So I'm scared to death imagining a big explosion and my place with everything I own in it burning to the ground. I'm quickly trying to get dressed and shove my cats into their carriers. Husband, cats and purse. That's all I could grab. Imagine this going on in just a few minutes time not knowing what is going to happen or how long we will need to be gone or if there will even be a place to come back to. Yah I was scared to death. We carry our meowing cats (my babies) to the car and pull out of the parking structure and under the yellow caution tape being held up by a police officer. They had to close off the alley behind my condo complex. I really want to move now. Even more than before. We drive around not knowing where to go. I want to stay close enough to watch and see or hear if anything happens. I'm trying to figure out if we should get a hotel room. The cats need food, water and kitty litter. Oh this was way too stressful for me. Luckily we were only sitting in the car at the nearby Burger King parking lot for about 30 minutes before we drove by and saw that they were taking the yellow tape down and we could return home. Whew!!! That was a close one. I start crying because I'm so relieved. But now I'm sitting safely in my living room realizing there is a guy living in the building right behind mine who has explosives! What the hell? I'm wondering when he will get out of jail and if he will do anything stupid when he returns home. This is scary. Very unsettling. I just want to leave this neighborhood. It's going downhill fast. For now I will just hope and pray that nothing else happens and that we are safe and my kitties are safe. That is all that really matters in life.

The new do

2009-06-04T11:47:00.000-07:00

I did it... cut most of my hair off. Rob's first reaction was "You didn't tell me you were doing that!" I didn't know I was doing it. I decided while I was at the salon. I needed a change. I like it! I think Rob is starting to like it or at least he's getting used to it. I sometimes miss being able to put my hair up. Hmmm what's a girl to do?

Waiting

2009-06-04T09:46:00.001-07:00

I wait and wait for things that I really, really want. Like a new job or to just leave the one I have. I've been there for 12 years now. It is not the same job anymore. I've survived many changes over the years like my duties, bosses and desks but I think I have reached my limit of change. My job has outgrown me and I spend everyday waiting to get the hell out of there. I'm in over my head and that's the truth. I am counting down the days until I can say goodbye for good. They won't realize just how much I do until I'm gone. I wish I could be a fly on the wall after I leave. That would be awesome. Watch everything not get done. Watch them say over and over again that Tracy did that. Watch my replacement struggle to learn my job and have nobody to train them. She can listen to my new boss ask my old boss (I have 2 bosses because I'm just that lucky) at least 10 million questions a day. She can listen to her bay buddy get bitchy with people on the phone all day long and say shit, shit, shit over and over again. Actually that is kinda entertaining. She can have everybody ask her where Jeff is and tell them she doesn't know over and over again. You would think these people would learn that I really don't know where he is. He does not tell me where he is going. He never has and he never will. Get a clue! Why is it that people who have worked there for years still don't know how to do their expense report or how to fill out an out of office request form? They are not new employees. They really should know how to do these very simple things by now. It just blows me away! The best thing about my job is my paycheck and it's the ONLY reason I'm there. The minute I can break free I will. Soon??? Please...