They have no freaking idea.

Over the past few months I have been poked, prodded and scanned. It has been anything but fun. First I had an upper abdominal ultrasound. Then I was sent to a liver and gastro specialist who wanted to do a colonoscopy. This was followed by an abdominal CT scan. I also had to see a urologist. They did an ultrasound of my bladder and kidneys. Today I had a cystoscopy so they could look inside my bladder. I was awake for it. Oh my God... not fun at all. I am now finding it hard to sit and it burns very badly when I urinate. I hope this burning painful feeling goes away soon because it sucks.

All of these tests have turned up NOTHING. Nothing? Yes, nothing is apparently wrong with me even though I do have a slightly elevated white blood count which means my body is fighting 'something'. I also have microscopic hematuria which is blood in my urine that can't be seen. I forgot! I do have something. I have an enlarged fatty liver which is probably pretty common and nothing to worry about. I just have to lose weight. Good luck with that!

I suppose I should be happy nothing horrific has been found and I am. I'm relieved and grateful but I'm also annoyed because I just went through all of these sucky tests to learn nothing is wrong with me. This is obviously good news. Much better than being told you have cancer or something miserable like that but I'm also still left wondering what's wrong. Why does it feel like I have something on the right side of my abdomen? Why does it bother me more when I bend forward or clean the house? Why do I have blood in my urine and why is my white blood count elevated? Why? Nobody knows. I am happy and I am sad. I want some answers even if they are bad because at least I would have some answers.

It seems to me like doctors do their usual tests and if they don't see the obvious things they look for then they tell you you're fine. They don't investigate further. I'm not there for the fun of it. I have something wrong with me and I want some answers. Not just some more bills to pay.